I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
