That's intense
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
