She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
