He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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