i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
