I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize