new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize