I just saw a hot homeless man
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
