Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize