I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
