just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
soo... how was my night?
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