i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
