If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
