you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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