Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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