if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
