I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
