reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
