My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
