Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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