This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
