so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Randomize
