How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
