Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize