Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
