His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
