Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
