We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize