you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
