I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
