Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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