Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
