My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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