I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
