just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
