The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
