tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
