the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
