You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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