This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
