ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
