The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
