yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
