the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
