just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
