I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
