She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
