I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
