We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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