I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
