I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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