Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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