the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
