Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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