so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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