Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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