She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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