Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

(770): View more from Georgia

b/c u have herpes

(310): View more from California

No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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(310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh

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(404): View more from Georgia

Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again

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(404): Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again http://tfl.nu/4z80

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(225): View more from Louisiana

finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day

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(225): finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day http://tfl.nu/v7qa

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(209): View more from California

Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.

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(209): Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/an4l

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(678): View more from Georgia

I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

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(678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8

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(650): View more from California

OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

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(650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz

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(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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(515): I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises. http://tfl.nu/86bb

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(312): View more from Illinois

I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?

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(312): I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp? http://tfl.nu/sqhc

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(810): View more from Michigan

Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.

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(810): Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor. http://tfl.nu/mqcd

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(513): View more from Ohio

trapped on the roof of the strip club. help

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(513): trapped on the roof of the strip club. help http://tfl.nu/oy6k

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(989): View more from Michigan

apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

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(989): apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer http://tfl.nu/nnl1

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(567): View more from Ohio

I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.

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(567): I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it. http://tfl.nu/gm4t

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

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(603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy

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(415): View more from California

What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises

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(415): What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises http://tfl.nu/lzak

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(940): View more from Texas

I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast

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(940): I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast http://tfl.nu/e3ki

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