I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila