I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says