And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex