Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?