I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
