More tranny stories later!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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