sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
