shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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